Stressed and Worried

[bk_forever]

The heading says it all really.

Now mum's gone, her will says everything is to be left half to me and half to my older sister. This includes the house. Now if my sister was any kind of a decent person, she'd be happy to let me remain in the family home. She lives 50 miles away, has her own home and a good job. I can't work because of health problems, so I have very little in the way of savings.

I was born in this house, I've never had any other home, and because of my health problems, my home has become my safe place, my sanctuary. It's everything that's familiar. I know the area, I have good neighbours who help when I need it, and all my memories of mum are here, memories that cover 53 years. Naturally, I want to stay here.

But, my sister seems to think that what I want might not be feasible. If she wants her share of the house, there's no way I can buy her out. Even if I scraped together every penny I have, I wouldn't even have a tenth of what that would cost, so now, when I'm still mourning mum, who's only been gone three weeks, I'm facing the possibility of losing my home too. My sister doesn't need the money, and I'm perfectly willing to pay all the house bills and other expenses myself. I don't want to be forced into moving to an unfamiliar area, surrounded by strangers, just because my sister wants her share of mum's estate now.

I'm scared. I don't cope well with change, so I don't know what I'm going to do. This is my home. Where will I go if I have to leave? I really don't need all this stress and worry.

Comments

[lexxiescott]

My only hug icon.

I keep hoping that your sister will think one of these days, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen. Given the house and the issues with it, also the mass exodus of people from the area, does she think the house is magically going to sell and she'll have money while you have lost everything? Shessh.

There is this, a couple of years ago there was talk about assisted living apartments. Is that still an option for you if she does push through and force you out of your home? The thought sucks, but it might be something to start looking into for yourself. Best I can remember, the option was pretty good on paper.

There's also this. An apartment would mean not being a slave to the fire all winter. I know you don't want to lose everything, and trust me, no one blames you for that one, but there's a small positive. :)

Message if you want to talk. *hugs*

[bk_forever]

I don't know. There are places, but I doubt there'd be anything available in a familiar area. I don't want to lose the garden, and I'd need somewhere I can still keep my car, and frankly everything about it terrifies me so much I can barely think. I have very little money of my own, and those places cost, probably more than my share of the house would bring in. Plus, I can't live anywhere with gas power because I have no idea how to use it safely. I've never had to use gas for cooking or heating. Renting somewhere puts you at the mercy of your landlord too, there's no feeling of safety, you can get evicted any time for any reason. I'll have to talk to the charity that helps people facing the possibility of homelessness, see if there's anything they can do to help. I don't know why I keep expecting my sister to be understanding when she never has been. Mum would not be happy, I know that for sure.

[excentric397.livejournal.com]

I kind of agree. Sometimes you just have to move on, as hard as it may seem. Sometimes, a bit down the line, you find that it actually was a really good thing for you. I speak from experience here. Nothing is forever, and moving on and starting anew can be a positive experience if you let yourself be open to it. Life is an adventure, so I've heard. I hope it works out without too much angst for you. May you have the strength you need to get through this.

[bk_forever]

Can't agree with you I'm afraid. This is every memory I have from my entire life, all my support system with the people who live nearby, and with my agoraphobia, panic attacks, OCD and other health issues, uprooting from my only place of safety would be cripplingly traumatic. I can barely even go out at the best of times, how am I supposed to find somewhere else to live, never mind pay for it until the sale of the house goes through? I have nowhere else I can go, I don't cope well with changes and I'm already dealing with the upheaval of my mother's death. Put me in an unfamiliar place and I'll probably never step outside again, because I can't deal with unfamiliar places and people. I'd be terrified of losing my way, and completely isolated. Just the thought of it scares me to death. I wouldn't be able to cope.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

*huge hugs* this is so awful to hear! I'm sorry that it has clearly come to such a thing! Is she thinking really about doing that? Why would you have to move? I hope you dont because this is a very fragile time and I understand why you want to stay. My home is my safe place too and I wouldn't want to loose it again! I already lost my first on due to me moving down south but to do it again? No!

It would be hard on you if you had to move away! *hugs*

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back*

Right now I just don't know, she hasn't said anything to me except that we need to sit down and talk about what happens now. But if she wants her half of the house, I can't afford to buy her out. It's in our joint names now that mum is gone, so she could say she wants to sell it. I hope I'm worrying for nothing, but she sent my sort of boyfriend a text that has him wondering if that's what she intends to do. He showed it to me, so now I really don't know what will happen.

[lil-1337.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry that you are in a bad situation. Is there anyone who might be willing to talk to your sister on your behalf?

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

[bk_forever]

My sister is the kind of person who hears what she wants to hear and takes what most people say as a personal attack on her. I'm going to look into whether there's anyone who can provide support in case I need it. I wish this wasn't something I had to worry about, especially so soon after losing mum. I should be able to trust my sister to think of what's best for me, but I can't

[lil-1337.livejournal.com]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that things work out.

[sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but I just have to say that your sister is an insensitive bitch. I'd find a lawyer & fight her. Try gofundme to see if maybe you can get good samaritans to maybe help build up a fund for you. :)

[bk_forever]

Thanks for your support. First I need to find out for sure what her intentions are, but yeah, insensitive is right. The fact that she's even got me wondering if I have any kind of security so soon after our mother's death is evidence of that.

[red-day-dawning.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[bk_forever]

Thank you.

[breannarose1.livejournal.com]

What a sh*tty situation! I can only hope your sister finds some decency and allows you to stay. I like the idea that excentric397 made about getting another person to speak to your sister, possibly a lawyer/solicitor(?) or a health worker who can stress the importance financially (the solicitor) and mentally/physically (health employee) of you staying where you are.
Unfortunately it sounds like you'll need to plan for the worst. :(
I'm hoping for the best for you though. Keep us posted.

[bk_forever]

Thank you, I will.

I'll be contacting a charity which helps prevent homelessness tomorrow, they should ber able to give advice and support. I can't afford a solicitor unless the charity knows someone who would work for free.

[milady-dragon.livejournal.com]

This is a load of crap! *hugs*

This is your home, and you've lived there for so long and it's your haven! I can't believe your sister can't get her head out of her arse far enough to see what she's doing to you, but yeah...insensitive isn't a strong enough word. I wish there was something I could do to help, but if there is anything please let me know, okay? It's too bad we live so far away from each other. Or maybe it's not, because I'd be so very tempted to give your sister a piece of my mind, and that might not be for the best.

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs*

I don't know for sure yet that she wants to sell up, but sadly mum didn't think to put a clause in her will to let me stay here as long as I needed to. She wanted to treat my sister and I the same, which is understandable, but a bit unrealistic since our situations are different. My sister and her partner both have jobs while I'm unable to work. Getting half the proceeds from the house sale would mean losing my benefits, so all I'd have to live on would be the money from the sale, and I think we'd get a lot less for this place than my sister would expect, plus we'd have to pay back the money the local government loaned mum for improvements before splitting what was left. I very much doubt mum would have expected my sister to demand her share of the house right away. If that's what happens, well, I don't know what I'll do.

[awieatti.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I'm not an expert when it comes to law, but since the house belongs to you both now, can she really just sell it like that without your agreement?
Either way, I'd try to get a lawyer asap, just in case.

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs*

I don't think she can sell it out from under me, but she could demand her share, which I have no way to pay. I can't afford to pay a lawyer to fight my side either, I'm going to need every penny I've got.

[tardisjournal.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this! Your sister sounds horrible. I agree with the other comments here--see who you can get to advise you of your rights and options a.s.a.p. There may even be information online about such situations, which must be pretty common, when you come to think about it.

And take heart--if worst comes to worst and you have to put it on the market, the odds of it selling will be pretty slim, if your economy and housing market is anything like ours across the pond! My street is full of vacant houses that have been sitting on the market for years. Perhaps when your sister realizes this isn't the instant cash cow she's expecting, she'll back off.

*HUGS*

[bk_forever]

*hugs*

I can only hope things won't turn out to be as bad as they seem right now. There's a charity I can call, which I'll do first thing tomorrow, and I'll talk to my doctor on Tuesday, he might have some advice. There's nothing I can do on a weekend. Maybe I'm wrong about what she meant in the text, I won't know until we all sit down and talk. I'm sure when mum left everything to split between us equally, she thought my sister would look out for me.

[haldoor.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope it is all unnecessary worry at this point. If it's income your sister wants, is there any way she would accept a small sum as rent (if you can afford this - bearing in mind that she would then have to take on half the costs to be fair) to allow you to continue living there? I would have thought she can't really sell unless she has your agreement anyway, since you each own half, and I would have thought you have the advantage over her in any court as 1/ you live there already and 2/ she already has somewhere to live and 3/ she is financially stable already where you have less income.

Here's hoping it's not as bad as you're thinking, anyway! *more hugs*

PS: did my little gift arrive okay? (I know, last thing you'll be thinking of, but I wanted to be sure it got there okay).

[bk_forever]

It did arrive safely, thank you. Such cute kiwis!

I'm clinging to the hope that things won't turn out to be as bad as they seem right now, but I need to prepare myself for the worst and look at all options. I'll start tomorrow (monday) by contacting a charity I know of, which helped me when mum had her first stroke. They help people at risk of homelessness, and other vulnerable people so they should at least be able to offer advice and support.

I could perhaps pay some rent, but I don't know if that would work. I can't see my sister being willing to pay her share of the bills. I'm not feeling optimistic.

*hugs back*

[owensheart.livejournal.com]

If there is a clause in the Will that says you may live in the house than theoretically the house cant be sold,

another thing is if the house is payed up you can take out a morgage on the house giving you enough money to pay your sister off.

*hugs* my friend.

[bk_forever]

There's no clause, I doubt mum would have expected my sister to want her share of the house immediately.

Mortage is paid up, but taking out a new one isn't an option because I'm unable to work and wouldn't be able to make the repayments.

Thank you *hugs back*

[ladymadariaga.livejournal.com]

I´m so sorry to hear about your situation, i really hope that you´ll find a way to stay at your home, my best wishes are with you at this moment. Hugs.

[bk_forever]

*hugs back* Thank you, so do I. I really don't have anywhere else to go.

[neverminetohold.livejournal.com]

I have at least an inkling of what you must feel because I'm very deeply rooted where I live - and have all my life except for one year I can't remember anyway - too. I never want to leave our house, it's my sanctuary as well. - Has she said anything concrete so far? Surely she must know how you feel about the house? I know friendship and shared blood ends when money comes into play, and I don't know her, but I would hope that she wouldn't be so cruel to uproot you like that!

*hugs* I hope all will work out!

[bk_forever]

Nothing concrete to me, but we didn't get along well as kids and that's not really changed. She's always been bossy and sure she's always right.

I'm looking into what help I can get elsewhere, so hopefully she'll either see reason or I can get help to figure out a solution.

Thank you *hugs back* I hope you never find yourself wondering if you'll lose your home. It's not a pleasant feeling.

I love Janto

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs*
This bits big time.
I wish that I could help you out.
We all do.

Your sister needs to think of you.
Not herself.

Re: I love Janto

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back*

I'll just have to see what I can work out. there's a help centre I can go to that might be able to offer advice and possibly assistance.

[jedi-harkness.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't have to stress out or worry about anything. Like you said, if your sister was a decent person she'd let you stay. I really hope everything works out for you, and I'll keep sending good thoughts. *hugs*

[bk_forever]

Thank you, I really hope so too. I'm looking into what advice and assistance I can get, I want to know my options before I have to talk to my sister. There have been two constants in my life - Mum and this house. I've lost one, I just can't bear even the thought of losing the other. The worry and fear are constant, my home is my sanctuary, my safe place, with all my health issues, I wouldn't be able to cope anywhere else.

[kul-breez.livejournal.com]

I can totally sympathize with this. When my dad was still living, I loved with him. I moved out on my own - and my entire family complained - "How can I leave him when he needs me???". But we fought too much, the rest of my family didn't help, and I knew I needed to stand on my own two feet.

When he passed he left the house to all 6 children and my sister, who was executor of the estate had it sold in within three months. Had I not moved out a year earlier I would have been homeless. I still felt, s we were cleaning out the house and selling things off, that it was so difficult, because that house held all my memories - where my siblings had houses they owned and were married with children and their own home memories...

Anyway, years later my sister's mother-in-law died. Her sister-in-law was living in the home at the time. Again my sister and her husband were in a rush to sell the house. I the mean time they expected her to pay all the bills AND pay them fair market rent from the day her mother died. I can see the bills, but the house had no mortgage and so let her pay the bills and stay for as long as she needs to - or at least for a couple of years. My sister called me to complain and I wouldn't even talk to her about it. It was disgraceful!

I am so sorry you have to go through this...

[bk_forever]

Thank you. It's a worrying situation to be in, made worse by all my health issues. I'm just hoping my sister will agree to a reasonable and manageable rent of her half of the property so I can stay here, because if I'm taken away from all that's familiar all the hard work I've done to learn to cope with my mental health issues will be undone, I'll be isolated and without the support system I have in place here. I don't understand people who treat their own relatives as if they're an inconvenience.