Life Sucks

[bk_forever]

All I wanted today was a nice, quiet, relaxing evening and possibly an early night as I haven't been feeling too good the last few days.

What do I get? Mum suddenly out of the blue became very dizzy, so I had to get the paramedics in and spent an hour and a half running around dealing with everything mum needed, answering questions, and packing her off to hospital. It is 11pm here, and the hospital she's being taken to, there's no guarantee that they won't discharge her in the middle of the night. She's 84, had a stroke less than 18 months ago, and is often confused. I couldn't go with her because of my own health issues and my sister is 50 miles away.

I have no idea what will happen now, I should go to bed but what if they phone in the middle of the night to say she's coming home? Plus, if she's so dizzy she can't even stand up, how do they think I can take care of her when she outweighs me by about three stone.

Life sucks. I'm exhausted anyway because I never get enough sleep, now I've got even more to deal with, alone. There's not even anyone I can call.

Comments

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Aww no it really doesn't! It's always difficult with hospitals... they're crap for telling you anything. And they take bloody ages... I broke my finger because my horse stood on it... took them about what three hours to see me. My finger was peeing with blood and it hurt like hell... Anyway I hope your sister finds out something so you won't have to worry so much <3

[bk_forever]

I'm keeping my (unbroken) fingers crossed she'll at least find out something. I feel guilty for being glad of the peace and quiet. Even though I'm stressed, at least someone else is looking after mum.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Everyone needs a break love. It's okay to feel like that sometimes because it must be really hard on you to you know live your life and look after your mum too! <3 Everyone feels guilty for something<3

[bk_forever]

I don't really live my life, everything is about mum. Not that I've had a life anyway since my health went down the drain in my early twenties. Now it's just day-to-day. The internet and fanfic are my escape.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I'm always around to chat because funnily enough right now I don't have one either... *sigh* as well fanfic is my escape! I have no other way of... removing my emotions. I don't wanna fall out with my mum so I write what I write. Sometimes angst, sometimes fluff! Just makes life easier, plus you lot are lovely :)

[bk_forever]

*looks around at LJ friends* We are a rather lovely lot, aren't we?

Thanks. Yeah, writing is the best and safest outlet for emotions, and the internet is a source of great support because I have amazing friends *hugs*

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Yep *nods* you are :)

It is and I have met loads of people over the internet and I have some lovely friends now that I don't mind speaking to *hugs* I just love speaking to people... I am shy in person but I am happy enough when no one can see me *laughs*

I would miss this if I wasn't involved... I would miss all my internet friends!

[bk_forever]

Oh, so would I, I don't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't have people to talk to like this. Probably just hide in a corner, wibbling.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be in a good place! Writing really brought something out in me! I can see everything in a different way! When I write it gives me a break from the rubbish that is reality! Sometimes I don't wanna wake up when I fall asleep because places a dream of are so much better than reality! I'd just be... Alone and boring and well me *sigh*

People on here and everywhere I've met are just... Amazing! I wouldn't change it! :)

[bk_forever]

It's a place we can be ourselves at our best, but still find understanding when we're at our lowest.

My dreams are so weird, I wouldn't want to get stuck in them...

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! My dreams are amazing *day dreams* *clears throat* ANYWAY!!! Indeed it is a place that lifts us up when we are down! I love it! My life's pretty rubbish so I can't complain when I can write about my favourite people snogging each other and shagging like rabbits *laughs*

[bk_forever]

Such things certainly brighten one's day. =)

Mum might be home today, the hospital hadn't made up their minds when I phoned earlier.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Hehe yeah :D

Aww bless at least if she is home it should put your mind a rest I'm sure!

[bk_forever]

I spoke to the hospital and they said they were keeping her in another night, for which I was relieved, it meant a slightly longer respite before I had to look after her again. Then my sister rang, told me she'd spoken to the hospital and told them she wasn't happy about their decision and that there was no medical reason to keep mum in, By then I'd cancelled the carers for tonight and tomorrow morning. Now I don't know WHAT is happening. My sister, the know-it-all bossy boots, doesn't give a damn that I'm not in good shape to be caring for mum at the moment and that mum will be coming home in an even more
fragile state than usual. The only thing SHE cares about is having to drive 50 miles here and back to visit mum. Otherwise, if mum was released, the most she would do would be to phone mum for a chat. She wouldn't ask to speak to me to see if I'm coping, she never does. It's meant that instead of relaxing a bit today, I've been run off my feet again.

Not happy.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I feel for you I really do! My sister is a bloody bossy boots and she's a real pain in the arse despite being like five years or something older than me! I get on with her but she's so hard to get along with haha!

I would feel the same if I were you. Are they going to tell you what's happening after your sister phoned them? It's annoying being left in the dark!

[bk_forever]

I had to phone again. Mum's been moved to another ward. She wasn't feeling so good, so she's definitely there overnight. I can call the new ward tomorrow to see what's happening. My sister's gone to visit.

She's three years older than me and thinks she knows everything, you just can't talk to her because she never listens and always insists that she's right, even when she's not. We get along better with her living 50 miles away, but when I have to deal with things that involve her, it gets difficult.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I can never stand being around my sister most of the time. She just makes fun of my choices in TV and movies and well me in general! It's difficult as you say. She even pisses my mum off by saying she's doing everything wrong and she ALWAYS has to move and rearrange EVERYTHING in the house! UGH!

I hope you hear something tomorrow!

[bk_forever]

I'll definitely hear SOMETHING tomorrow, I'm just not sure if it'll be good or bad news.

My sister went to visit, but she hasn't even rung me to tell me how mum is. If she phones early in the morning when I'm taking the opportunity for a half-hour lie-in, I'll kill her. I need the sleep if I can get it.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Can't argue with that! You need to get as much sleep as you can! I have to try and sleep... Got a long day of travelling tomorrow! Exeter airport Manchester then Manchester to Aberdeen! That airports are always against me... The plane dumpse at gate 150 and my next and is a gate 1 or something ridiculous... That happened to me the last time I travelled up to Aberdeen... Ha!

[bk_forever]

Sheesh! That's a lot of travelling just to get from one end of the country to the other. Faster than going by train though I guess. Typical that you'd have to go from one end of the airport to the other between flights. Have a safe trip!

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it! Just arrived at Exeter! Yes much quicker than train, takes about ten hours to get from Montrose near my dad's place to Exeter St. David's! Stupid and boring after six hours! At least on the plane you're only in the air for about an hour each way!

No writing for me until I get to dad's place 😭 how am I gonna cope haha!

[bk_forever]

Notebook and pencil? That's what I do when I'm away from my computer doing chores anyway.

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I stupidly left it at home! Luckily my phones charged I can use my notes unless I start feeling sick which will most likely happen ha! Worth a try! Finally sat on the plane to Manchester but we all know these things! They take an AGE to actually leave the airport!

[bk_forever]

Well, I don't know because I've never flown, lol! I'm a land-lubber, feet firmly on the ground, that's the way I like it!

Hope you have a good flight!

[wavingkilts.livejournal.com]

I'm so bored... Me and my brother have been sat in Manchester airport since 13:30... 😩

Oh I love flying! I love taking pictures out of the plane windows hahahaa