Ficlet: A Bird In The Hand…

[bk_forever]

Title: A Bird In The Hand…

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Ianto, Jack, bird.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Nada.

Summary: Ianto finds an unlikely visitor in his garden.

Word Count: 544

Written For: My own prompt ‘Any, any, A bird in the hand...’ at fic_promptly.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

A/N: Based on a true story.

It wasn’t at all what Ianto had expected to find when he’d stepped out into his back garden that morning, but there on the washing line was a very incongruous, bright green little bird. It cocked its head at him and chirruped.

Ianto frowned. While he wasn’t an ornithologist, he knew enough about birds to be certain that lovebirds weren’t native to Wales. Without hesitation, he reached out and grabbed it, so fast that it never had a chance to fly away. He regretted his impulsive action almost immediately. There was nothing even remotely loving about this bird.

With a loud and aggrieved squawk, it sank its beak into the tender flesh between his thumb and forefinger. In moments there was blood dripping down his hand but try as he might, he couldn’t persuade the feathered menace to even loosen its vice-like grip. With tears in his eyes, he stumbled into the kitchen, shouting for Jack.

“Jack!”

“Yeah?”

“I need help!”

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, running into the kitchen, looking worried.

Holding up the hand with the lovebird in it, Ianto gasped out, “Either find something I can put this in or make it stop biting me! It bloody well hurts!”

“Why don’t you just put it down?”

Ianto stared at Jack in agonised disbelief. “It’s a bird, Jack; they fly! If I let it go, it’ll escape again and I’ll have put myself through this torture for nothing. Besides, I don’t think it would do much good. Even if I let go of it I’m not at all sure that it’ll let go of me! Find a box or something, and hurry…” He voice rose into a pained squeak as the lovebird bit down even harder.

Jack dashed out of the kitchen again and returned a few minutes later with an empty shoebox. “Here.” He held it out.

“Punch some holes in the sides first, otherwise the bird will suffocate,” Ianto ground out in a tight voice.

Grabbing a skewer out of the cutlery drawer, Jack did as ordered and put the box with its new air holes on the table. Ianto stuck hand and bird inside, put the lid awkwardly over the top and released his grip on the lovebird. For a few moments it continued to chew on him, but at last its grip loosed and he was able to snatch his mauled hand away, slamming the lid down firmly before the bird could make a break for it. Aggravated squawks and fluttering came from inside as Jack put a couple of rubber bands around the box to make sure the lid stayed on and the tiny menace couldn’t get out and attack Ianto again. He wasn’t taking any chances.

Meanwhile, Ianto had gone straight to the sink and stuck his hand under the cold tap, letting the water wash away the blood and numb the pain.

Jack fetched the first aid kit and took Ianto’s hand, gently cleaning and disinfecting the wound before covering it with a plaster. “I had no idea a cute little bird like that could be so savage,” he said in wonder.

“Neither did I,” Ianto admitted, “otherwise I wouldn’t have grabbed it. I’m never doing that again. A bird in the hand is fucking painful!”

The End

Comments

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

*giggles* Poor thing! Well, some lessons have to be learned the hard way!

[bk_forever]

Yeah, this is based on a true incident, only it was me and a stray lovebird. I've handled birds most of my life, I'm pretty experienced, so when I stepped outside and saw it, I just grabbed it, and got savaged. Mind you, it was worth it, the owner was delighted to get her pet back. Did I learn from my experience? Well, no. Couple of years later I went outside one morning and found a ferret, so I grabbed it... at least I didn't get bitten that time, but I had to wander around for as while with a ferret dangling from one hand, trying to find something to put it in!

Thank you!

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Oh, dear. :-/ I'm glad the lovebird incident ended alright. I hope the ferret incident did, too.

[bk_forever]

Those were the most exotic strays I ended up with, the others were more prosaic, but it was certainly educational! Animals and birds have always been part of my life.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

We had a couple of snakes get in the house once. Freaked the hell out of Mom, who's terrified of them. The first one, we don't know where it wound up--we suspect that it went down into the crawlspace through a gap in the floor of the fireplace (which, luckily, we never use, and it was May, anyway). The second one, I had to wrangle and throw outside. (Fortunately, unlike her, I am not afraid of snakes.)

[bk_forever]

I'm not scared of snakes either, but they're not exactly a problem over here in England. I'd be wary if I wasn't sure of the species though, venomous snakes are something I wouldn't want to be around.

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

They're a pretty big problem here. When I was two, I got a little too close to a rattlesnake, and Mom called Grandpa to come over and shoot it. Yeah, they're something you can't be too careful about. We had another snake a few years ago get near our laundry area (we have the machines outside in this little shed-like thing), and had to shoo it out into the yard. It shook its tail at us like a rattler; but when I looked it up, it was just a California king snake, which is harmless, but will imitate rattlers' behavior as an intimidation tactic. It was kind of spooky; just before it went on its way, it turned and stared at us for a minute. I've always heard that snakes have rather poor vision, but there was no mistaking how it was staring at us.

[bk_forever]

Maybe it was peeved at being turfed out of the comfy place it had found for itself.

I'm glad we don't have to worry about rattlesnakes!

[thepeachymonkey.livejournal.com]

LOL I love how Ianto is still how conscious about making sure the bird doesn't suffocate, even while it's chewing his hand.

He can think clearly under any circumstances, it seems. ;)

[bk_forever]

Well, I couldn't let the bird suffocate. Ianto didn't have a cage available to put it in the way I did, so he had to improvise ;)

Thank you!

[too-beauty.livejournal.com]

Even under deep pain, Ianto is a true carer! I have a similar experience with a parrot; luckily my father was around and as the parrot liked my dad a lot, it released my finger to set on his shoulder.

[bk_forever]

You were lucky! I had to hold on to the damned lovebird until mum dug out one of our old budgie cages to put it in! I've handled a lot of birds, but lovebirds are the worst. Even our cockatiels weren't that bad!

Ianto is stoic and brave, putting the vicious birdie's welfare first.

Thank you!

[owensheart.livejournal.com]

A bird in the hand is fucking painful, that should be a new saying lol

Great ficlet.

[bk_forever]

And every word of it is true! Never grab a lovebird with your bare hands, you'll live to regret it. I recommend leather gauntlets, lol! Their beaks are very sharp o_O

Thank you!

[raynewton.livejournal.com]

Poor Ianto. No good deed goes unpunished. Still I'm sure Jack will comfort him. Wonder if they'll keep - and tame- the bird. My problem is Mirren - see icon - who when she decides to sit on me objects strongly to being put down and clings on hard. I've even had to visit the loo with a furry appendage hanging on my shoulder

[bk_forever]

Oh, she's cute, if sometimes inconvenient!

No, I think they'll do what I did and find the owner. She was very pleased to get her bird back, it had been caught up in gales and blown about 15 miles, poor thing.

Thank you!

[black59.livejournal.com]

Yep, they do not have teeth, but a pointed and sharp Bec and it hurts !!

[bk_forever]

Lovebirds are the worst I've ever been pecked by and I've handled a fair number of birds!

Thank you!