Fic: Arachnophobia
Sep. 3rd, 2012 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bk_forever
Title: Arachnophobia
Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
badly_knitted
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 540
Warnings: Spiders?
Spoilers: Not a one.
Summary: Team Torchwood aren’t quite as fearless as they’d like people to believe.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own Torchwood. Which is sad.
A/N: I am writing the next Nosy-Verse fic, I promise. Clearly, this is not it. This is an Idea I had years ago, but couldn’t get right. Then, suddenly this morning it came to me fully formed and I wrote it in about 15 minutes 0.0
A/N2: Happy Birthday, angelsphonebox
“Ianto! IANTO,” Jack’s voice bellowed from his office, sounding urgent and…. was there a trace of fear?
Owen wandered up to Jack’s office and found their fearless leader standing in the middle of his desk, his eyes glued to the corner of the room. He sniggered.
“What’s up?”
“Where’s Ianto?” Jack asked, without turning.
“Dunno, archives probably.”
“Damn!”
“Dare I ask why you want him so badly? Or would the answer just scar my mind even more than it is already?”
“Spider!” Jack shuddered.
Owen laughed. “Where?”
“There!” Jack pointed.
Owen looked… There was a mad scramble, then Owen was standing on the desk beside Jack, gripping his arm so tightly it was bound to bruise.
“That’s not a spider, it’s a bloody elephant with too many legs!” he exclaimed.
They stood there clinging to each other, unable to stop staring at the corner in case the monster moved while they weren’t looking.
“What do we do?”
“Wait for Ianto, he’ll know what to do.” Jack sounded so certain Owen couldn’t help believing him. The captain’s faith in his Teaboy was unshakeable.
About ten minutes later, Tosh walked in with her nose in a file. She looked up and stopped dead at the sight that greeted her.
“Um, why are you both standing on the desk?”
“Spider!” they both stated in unison, pointing at the offending creature.
Tosh looked, shrieked and dropped her file. Seconds later she was on the desk clinging to Jack’s other arm.
Hearing the shriek, Gwen came to investigate.
“What the bloody hell are you lot doing now?” she asked with a grin.
“Spider!” they chorused, again pointing at the corner.
“You’re not all scared of a little spider, are you?” she mocked, staring into the shadows where they were pointing.
“Oh, God, it’s massive!”
And then there were four clinging together on top of the desk, which was how Ianto found them when he returned from the archives half an hour later.
“Ah, there you all are! I was beginning to think you’d all gone out without telling me.” Ianto didn’t seem at all surprised that they were all standing on the desk. He’d long since got used to the odd behaviour the team sometimes exhibited. “Coffee?”
“Love some,” said Jack, “but first… Could you do something about that spider over there?” Jack asked meekly, pointing at the corner.
Ianto looked. “Spider?” he asked, sounding puzzled. He went over to the shadowy corner, bent down and picked something up. Jack was so distracted that he didn’t even give Ianto’s excellent backside a passing glance.
“You mean this?” Ianto turned, holding something large, black and fluffy in one hand. “It’s not a spider, it’s that fur glove we were playing with the other day. I was wondering where it had gone. Honestly, the lot of you need your eyes testing!”
Four very sheepish people hopped down to the floor, trying desperately to pretend they hadn’t spent the best part of an hour standing on a desk clinging to each other, in mortal fear of a furry glove.
Ianto shook his head, grinning, and tossed the glove to Jack. “I’ll book you all in with the optician, shall I?” he smirked, then headed off to make coffee.
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2012-09-03 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 02:20 pm (UTC)Ianto is brave and fearless, he will always rescue the team from creepy fur gloves, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-03 02:14 pm (UTC)awesome J!
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Date: 2012-09-03 02:22 pm (UTC)Ianto is a very dashing hero, he will protect them from furry gloves! Or even real spiders, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-03 02:29 pm (UTC)Brilliant!
(I didn't just read it at work-honest) not my fault I couldn't wait. :-)
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Date: 2012-09-03 03:00 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!
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Date: 2012-09-03 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 03:03 pm (UTC)They would have stayed up there all night, none of them were brave enough to go any closer to the fearsome monster. No doubt they were all too terrified of it to wonder why it never moved....
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Date: 2012-09-03 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 06:59 pm (UTC)Ianto will pretend to have forgotten until he hands them all their opticians appointments...
It's moments like these that make you realise you need glasses, like the day I ran off to see the baby lamb and it turned out to be a poodle....
Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading =)
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Date: 2012-09-04 01:47 am (UTC)I can picture Ianto getting many evil little laughs out of tucking that glove into various corners, desk drawers, lockers, under desks, into shoes...the list goes on and on.
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Date: 2012-09-04 09:54 am (UTC)In the team's defence, the 'spider' was nestled in a very shadowy corner, possibly under a shelf or something. It was an easy mistake to make, honest! And it was doing a very good impression of a spider... lol!
Glad you enjoyed!
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Date: 2012-09-04 03:25 am (UTC)Loved it, J, it was awesome!!!
Hugs, Ani!!!
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Date: 2012-09-04 10:13 am (UTC)I just love it when the team show they are not as fearless as they pretend to be, lol! And of course, I love to make Ianto the hero, saving the others!
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Date: 2012-09-04 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 02:16 pm (UTC)Not fond of spiders either, they're creepy, but I won't kill them, at least not on purpose - I feel very bad if I accidentally kill one. There are things I'll happily kill (mosquitos, ants), but I feel guilty if I kill a spider, they do such a good job getting rid of flies, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-04 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 05:53 pm (UTC)fulless team of Torchwood right in! Well, all but Ianto, of course. I love the whole matter of fact way he handled it, too. Just perfect. 'Course, pretty sure I'd have been standing up there on the desk with Jack and the others if I saw something that large and black and hairy with that many bloody legs crouching under the furniture or huddling in a corner. Hate the creepy little blighters. Seen too many tarantulas, and wolf spiders, and huntsmen spiders in various different states and countries to want to see any more! *shudders*no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 06:09 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!
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Date: 2012-09-04 07:34 pm (UTC)I'm adding myself to the list of people who want to read what actually happened with the glove the night before. Could you probably please let me know if one of your commentors does indeed write it? Many thanks!
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Date: 2012-09-04 07:55 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed this! The idea has been in my head for a couple of years and in all the other versions it WAS a real spider, but I could never figure out quite what to do with it. Then suddenly the whole fic just popped into my head yesterday, complete with dialogue and I think it's much better that they thought it was a spider but it wasn't.
Yes, Ianto would have dealt with it even if it had been a real spider, he's very brave! Jack's faith in him is deserved!
Thank you =)
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Date: 2012-09-04 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 03:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 10:00 am (UTC)I'm fine with small spiders, it's the big ones I'm not too fond of though I'd never deliberately kill one.
Ianto is very heroic - he has no fear of spiders (though he thinks they're a nuisance because their webs are untidy).
Glad you enjoyed! I love making the team less than heroic, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-05 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 10:04 am (UTC)Ianto is used to it, the team can be very odd at times so he just tends to ignore it and carry on as normal. Besides, they can be very entertasining on a slow day, lol!
I still don't know for sure if the glove got lost or if Ianto put it there to see what happened. Ianto refuses to say!
Glad you enjoyed it.
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Date: 2012-09-05 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-06 07:57 am (UTC)Can't say I blame them though; spiders give me the creeeps!
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Date: 2012-09-06 09:29 am (UTC)Spiders are definitely creey, especially the big ones, but Ianto is fearless and would have dealt with it anyway. I do enjoy making the team look a little foolish though, I'm evil that way, lol!
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
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Date: 2012-09-07 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-07 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-09 02:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-09 10:24 am (UTC)Of course, he may just have coaxed it out of the corner and found a home for it with a spider specialist - he's not one for killing things unnecessarily and he's not at all afraid of spiders, just finds the webs annoying because they're so untidy!
Glad you enjoyed it - I loved writing the team clinging together on Jack's desk - not so fearless!
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Date: 2012-09-09 08:28 pm (UTC)you're really good for to write the fics super funny!
thank you: that's a lot of good to laugh so much!
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Date: 2012-09-09 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-19 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-19 04:51 pm (UTC)I had this idea ages before I actually got around to writing it, but I could never decide what Ianto would do with the spider. Then it finally hit me that maybe everyone only thought it was a spider and after that it practically wrote itself.