Real Life Loss

[bk_forever]

So, yesterday my Dad died. Not really a shock, certainly not unexpected, he had vascular dementia and had being going downhill fast over the last few months. I didn't get to see him as my health problems mean I can't travel far, but then I haven't seen him for years, we weren't close though we did speak on the phone until it got to the point where he couldn't hold a conversation. It's doubtful he would have known who I was anyway.

It just feels weird that he's gone. We hadn't seen each other much since my parents divorced 30 years ago, but he was still my Dad. I spent a lot of time last night just thinking about all the good memories and all the things I can be grateful to him for. He was far from perfect as a Dad, but he had his good points to balance out the not-so-good. I'm just thankful he didn't hang on for years the way his older sister did, she had vascular dementia too and suffered so much, and I didn't want that for him. Guess it will just take a while to sink in properly, right now I just feel sort of numb and empty.

Comments

[remuslives23.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry for your loss, hon.

[bk_forever]

Thanks *hugs* It just feels weird right now. I keep wondering if we really knew each other at all...

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Even if you weren't close, it's still hard to lose someone from your immediate family. Sending you a hug and comforting thoughts.

[bk_forever]

Thank you. *hugs back* It's hard to get my head around the reality of it all.

[sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com]

*just hugs you*

[bk_forever]

Thanks. *hugs back*

[likeitisntso.livejournal.com]

I am so so sorry for your loss -hugs you close-

[bk_forever]

Thankyou *hugs back* It's such a strange feeling. I've lost aunts and uncles and dear friends before, but somehow this is different even though we weren't close. Can't quite wrap my head around it even though it's news I've been expecting.

[likeitisntso.livejournal.com]

I can understand that. I don't speak to my own father any more, but loss is just all-encompassing, I suppose.
I am so so sorry and I hope you feel less empty soon.
-more hugs-

[bk_forever]

Thanks. However you feel about them, your parents are still your parents, without them you wouldn't be who you are, they are a part of you.

[likeitisntso.livejournal.com]

True and prefectly phrased. They give you your genes and they give you your upbringing, and we're all thankful to your father for making you so lovely. Sending comforting thoughts your way

[iolo1234.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. It's always difficult when you don't have an easy relationship. Sometimes me and my Dad were the same. When he died I found it tough to get my head around it. Just give yourself time; with everything he's still your Dad and you need to let yourself grieve.
love and hugs
K
xx

[bk_forever]

Thanks *hugs back* You're right, parents are a part of you, no matter what, and I do have some good memories. It'll sink in eventually.

[zorell.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear of your loss. It's not easy losing someone, especially family, even if you weren't particularly close it still hurts. Thinking of you and sending *Hugs*

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back* It does hurt, but I have to remember it's for the best.

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back* Everyone is being so supportive, which really helps.

[analineblue.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight* I'm so sorry. I lost my dad...wow, going on eight years ago now, and while we weren't really all that close either, it's still just a weird thing, knowing he's not there.

*moral support* <3

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back*

Yes, exactly. Even though we weren't close, he was still there, now he's not.

Moral support gratefully received - I can use all I can get right now, not really having anyone to talk to around here.

[analineblue.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

Definitely feel free to email me or PM me if you want to talk or anything. I think sometimes it's hard to talk to people who are also close to the situation, so... I'm more than happy to listen anytime. ♥

[bk_forever]

Thanks, I might take you up on that later. *hugs*

[magikalrhiannon.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* I'm sorry for your loss, honey.

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back*

[nightchild78.livejournal.com]

Please accept my deepest sympathy. *hug* I'm sorry for your loss.
No matter our age, when we lose our parents we become orphans.

[bk_forever]

*hugs back* Thank you. We never cease to be our parents' children.

He had a long life, he was in his mid-eighties, and I think he was mostly happy. At least I hope he was.

[zazajb.livejournal.com]

J, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. *gentle hugs* Let me know if there's anything I can do...
Thinking of you
With love
D xxx

[bk_forever]

Thaks, D *hugs* I meant to email or PM you, but somehow I never got around to it. My brain keeps wandering off in odd directions, and I've been trying to get the heating going here (must remember to make up the fire tonight), what with one thing and another I don't know if I'm coming or going. Everything seems to be piling up on me again *sigh* I'm in a weird headspace.

So glad I have support from all my friends on here, it's helping a lot. Love J xxx

[jedi-harkness.livejournal.com]

*hugs close* I'm so very sorry, sweetie. :(

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs* You think you're prepared, but I don't think you ever really are. Not sudden, not unexpected, but it still hurts.

[cjharknessgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry for your loss hon. *hugs tight*

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs back*

[toshiani007.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss, my dear friend!!! I'm with you!!! Hugs,Ani!!!

[bk_forever]

Thank you, Ani *hugs*

[daniforblue.livejournal.com]

I´m so sorry for your loss, dear. *hugs*
Thinking of you
Dani

[bk_forever]

Thank you, Dani *hugs back*

[debmommy22.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I hope you are ok and I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. It must be difficult whether your close or not. I dread, when it comes the time, to lose mine. I love them both so much.

Wish I could hug you right now! ♥ :)

[bk_forever]

Thank you *hugs* and yes, I'm okay though I still feel sort of weird.

Main problem now is, I don't think I'll get to the funeral. I haven't been well recently - stress this year seems to have taken its toll - plus I'm agorophobic and I suffer panic attacks, which have been really bad recently and almost continuous. Part of me wants to go, but the sensible part keeps telling me I'm not physically up to it, so I'm a bit torn. Plus I haven't driven my car in a year and I don't even know if it would start. So... still don't know what I'm doing. It's a confusing time. I can't get a lift with anyone because I need to have control over when I can leave because of the agoraphobia. It's hard to cope at times. This has been a really bad year all round.

Hope you're doing better!