Fic: Ianto's Cobweb Patrol
Sep. 1st, 2012 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bk_forever
Title: Ianto’s Cobweb Patrol
Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
badly_knitted
Characters/Pairing: Ianto/Jack, Myfanwy
Rating: PG-13 for some slightly smutty thoughts
Word Count: 1,120
Warnings: Mild Crack!Fic. Also, this fic contains spiders
Spoilers: None whatsoever.
Summary: Ianto keeps on top of the cleaning, with a little help!
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, sadly.
A/N: I credit (or possibly blame) iantojjackh for this one; the idea was spawned from a conversation we had, and this is what happened! Thanks also to her for reading through the first draft and certifying it readable and not too bizarre!
A/N2: Happy Birthday, magikalrhiannon
Jack had gone up on his favourite roof for his regular weekly brooding session, but found he didn’t have much to brood about that week, so he finished early and headed back to the Hub to see if Ianto was still there, hoping to fit in a game of Naked Hide and Seek.
When he arrived (through the garage entrance, so he could sneak up behind Ianto without the alarms giving him away), he was met by an extraordinary sight.
“Ianto, why are you dressed like that?”
Ianto was startled. “Jack! I didn’t expect you back so early, you’re usually gone for hours!”
“Not much to brood about this week, thought I’d see if you were up for a game of Naked Hide and Seek,” said Jack, ever optimistic despite prospects in that direction not looking too hopeful.
“I’d love too, Jack, I really would, but I can’t right now, I’m a bit busy.”
“Which brings me back to my previous question – why are you dressed like that?”
“Oh,” Ianto looked down and straightened his overalls, (red, because he knew Jack thought that colour looked particularly good on him). “There are cobwebs up in the ceiling again. I usually deal with them while you’re out, you know how I like to keep busy, but with you coming back early, I haven’t even started yet.”
“Cobwebs?”
“Yes, Sir, I clear them out every month. Have to, otherwise we get showered with spiders every time the Invisible Lift is used – it causes a dreadful draft and the spiders fall off, you see. There are hundreds of the little buggers up there.”
“Ah, of course,” said Jack, as if that explained everything. He eyed the distant ceiling warily. “It’s a long way up, how do you reach? You don’t have telescopic legs, do you?” he added hopefully, “’cause that would be cool!”
“No, sorry, just regular legs.”
Jack looked vaguely disappointed.
“The height hasn’t been a problem though, not since I trained Myfanwy to help,” Ianto continued, pulling on his flying helmet and adjusting the goggles. He whistled for his faithful Pteranodon, who fluttered down and landed nearby.
Ianto fetched a complicated looking harness from a nearby desk and strapped it on Myfanwy, attaching panniers loaded with cleaning supplies, then climbed aboard, strapping himself securely in place. After all, it was a long way up and in wouldn’t do to fall off. He leaned forward to hand Myfanwy her specially adapted feather duster, so she could get any cobwebs he couldn’t reach, then jauntily saluted Jack and up they went, spiralling higher and higher until they were nearly at the ceiling.
Jack gazed up at them, looking suitably impressed.
Once they were high enough, Ianto pulled out his own special feather duster with its extendable handle and began to sweep it through the latest crop of cobwebs as the spiders scurried for safety. Most of them disappeared into crevices, but a few unlucky ones got knocked off and plummeted towards the distant floor. Unfortunately (for Jack, anyway, if not for the spider), one happened to land on Jack’s head, making him scream like a girl and run around in circles, frantically trying to dislodge it from his hair without touching it.
Taking pity on his Captain, Ianto guided Myfanwy into a dive and swept the offending spider from Jack’s hair with a deft flick of his feather duster, before they soared back up towards the ceiling to continue cleaning.
Ianto called back down to Jack, “You might want to stay in your office for a while; I’ll bring you a nice cup of coffee when we’re finished.”
Wide-eyed, Jack nodded and scuttled for the sanctuary of his office, slamming the door firmly behind him. He could face aliens of any sort with no problem at all, but he really couldn’t abide spiders, with all their horrible scuttling legs! They were ickier than the slimiest alien!
Safe in his office, Jack watched through the window, admiring the way Ianto wielded his feather duster. He was getting all sorts of naughty ideas about what he and Ianto could do with it. Of course, he’d have to make sure Ianto picked all the spiders out of it first.
Myfanwy glided back and forth, from one end of the Hub to the other, sweeping cobwebs from the walls with her duster each time she turned while Ianto took care of the ones on the ceiling. Finally, they made a couple of circuits to clear the webs from where the walls joined the ceiling and then glided back to the ground, where Ianto dismounted and removed Myfanwy’s harness. He gave her a quick once-over with a duster, paying particular attention to her crest, which tended to collect a few stray webs, before giving her a big bar of chocolate as a reward for a job well done.
Jack poked his head out of his office. “Is it safe to come out yet?”
“Best wait a few more minutes while we collect any stray spiders,” Ianto replied.
“Oh, okay.” Jack ducked back in his office, quickly shutting the door again – just in case.
Myfanwy, having finished her chocolate, was already hunting spiders, her keen eyesight catching the tiniest scurrying movement. Each one was quickly despatched with a swift nip from her huge beak. Ianto was rather more humane, catching the ones he found and dropping them in a jar to be released outside the next morning, where they could take their chances.
Once both Ianto and Myfanwy were satisfied they’d dealt with all the spiders, Ianto headed up to Jack’s office, helmet and goggles in hand. He was hot, sweaty and dusty, and very much wanted a nice, hot shower.
“All clear, Sir,” he called through the closed door. “I’ll just make you your coffee, then I’m going to have a quick shower.”
The door swung open and Jack stepped out of his office, brave again now the danger of falling and scuttling spiders had passed. “Forget the coffee for now, why don’t you let me help you shower first? I can wash your back – and other parts.” He flashed his best smile.
Ianto smiled back, anticipating a long, hot, soapy, slippery Jack… His eyes snapped back into focus. Shower. Yes, shower.
“An offer I couldn’t possibly refuse, Sir.”
“Excellent!” Jack grabbed Ianto by the overalls and started pulling him towards the showers.
As they disappeared through the door to the lower levels, Jack’s voice floated back…
“Ianto, if I ask really, really nicely, would you teach me to ride Myfanwy?”
Back in the main Hub, Myfanwy sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. The things she did for her humans! Honestly, a Pteranodon’s work was never done!
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2012-09-01 02:28 pm (UTC)Loved the ending. Hmm would love to see what happened during that shower. *drools*
Love Myfanwy 's reaction at the end. It was perfect.
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Date: 2012-09-01 02:41 pm (UTC)K
xx
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Date: 2012-09-01 02:41 pm (UTC)WOW that was just magnificent and Jack's and Myfanwy's reactions were just the expected ones!
Awesome!
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Date: 2012-09-01 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-01 02:58 pm (UTC)It took a bit of thinking about to get the end bit, but then really, Myf had to have the last word.
You'll have to imagine the shower scene - I just can't write smut! Ianto says they had a very good time though, Jack was very nicely hot and soapy ;)
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Date: 2012-09-01 03:03 pm (UTC)Blame some of my LJ friends who keep throwing bunnies at me! I really must get back to the Nosy-Verse now, lol!
I really wasn't going to write this one, but it wouldn't go away! Crack!bunnies are very persistent apparently.
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Date: 2012-09-01 03:05 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!
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Date: 2012-09-01 03:11 pm (UTC)I didn't even think of the Pern connection, but you're so right!
Myfanwy had to have the last word, lol!
Glad you enjoyed!
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Date: 2012-09-01 05:30 pm (UTC)Love that, hon. :)
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Date: 2012-09-01 06:10 pm (UTC)Me too - even writing the spider in Jack's hair made me go all squiggly! Jack's always so fearless though, I loved the thought that a little spider would freak him out!
Ianto likes to keep thinks spick and span, he'll do whatever it takes, but having Jack to scrub his back afterwards makes it all worthwhile ;)
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Date: 2012-09-01 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-01 08:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-01 11:03 pm (UTC)Brilliant. I love Myfanwy in this.
Poor Jack, I dont blame him for hiding in the office. Though I bet he was watching through the window or on the cctv. Ianto riding a pteradon must be a sight worth seeing!
Great last line!
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Date: 2012-09-01 11:36 pm (UTC)Jack was watching from his office window, getting naughty ideas about feather dusters ;)
I couldn't think how to end it, then realised it was obvious - I needed Myfanwy's opinion. After that it was easy =)
Anyway, thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully, I will get the chance to start the next Nosy fic soon, if people would stop throwing plot bunnies in my direction hoping they'll stick! I think I know what I'd like as the title for the next one, but it's too long, so I'll have to shorten it. The title and last line are all I've got so far though, except for a couple of vagues notes on how it should start. Ah well, wish me luck!
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Date: 2012-09-01 11:42 pm (UTC)Ianto and Myfanwy are perfect together in everything they made!!!
Amazing, my wonderful friend!!!
Hugs and kissitos!!!
Ani
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Date: 2012-09-01 11:51 pm (UTC)good luck with the nosy fic. I find the title is the hardest part so you're well on the way. And having the last line is a good start too - my fics always seem to start with me hearing a character say one line in my head then the rest just follows (eventually).
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Date: 2012-09-01 11:52 pm (UTC)Yes, Myfanwy is really pleased to help out, though she sometimes pretends she isn't. She enjoys it really.
I think Jack is a little envious, so now he wants to fly on Myfanwy too.
Glad you enjoyed it *hugs* J x
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Date: 2012-09-01 11:59 pm (UTC)The last line came to me out of the blue last night - it'a an Owen line and I'm quite pleased with it. I just hope I can write the fic so that I end up in a position to use it, lol! I think the next one might not be too long, and then I'll write the one with the toys. That's the plan anyway, migraine permitting.
It's 1am so I think I'd better go to bed, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-02 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 09:46 am (UTC)All I know about what happened in the shower is that Ianto made good use of having a hot, wet, soapy Jack at his disposal, and that's all they're saying on the subject! (Seriously, I can't write smut to save my life, I leave that to those who are skilled in the art! I shall continue to produce fluff, lol!)
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Date: 2012-09-02 11:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 12:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 02:55 pm (UTC)She works hard, but she is amply rewarded! As much as she pretends otherwise, she enjoys cobweb duty. She thinks it a good thing that Ianto takes it upon himself to help her keep her flying space clear of the annoying things, though she'd never tell him that, lol!
Ianto is always properly equipped for any job. Cobwebs are messy, so one must dress accordingly!
Glad you enjoyed it!
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Date: 2012-09-02 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 09:28 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!
Started the next Nosy-Verse fic, but no idea how long it will take to write!
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Date: 2012-09-02 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 03:34 am (UTC)I loved the picture of Ianto soaring around overhead on Myfanwy cleaning the webs from the ceiling. I can't fault jack for his reaction to the spider in his hair because I'd react exactly the same way. My girls hate them so I'm the one who has to catch them, but the bigger one still give me the creeps.
I'm just going to go sit over there now and think about hot, wet, slippery, sexy Jack and Ianto.
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Date: 2012-09-03 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 05:35 am (UTC)For the record, I kind of like spiders.
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Date: 2012-09-03 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 09:37 am (UTC)I'd be the same as Jack in that situation too! I'm okay with little spiders, but the big ones... *shudders* My 81 year old mum is completely terrified of them though, so I have to deal with them =0
Ah yes, hot, wet, soapy Jack is very pleasant to think about. I'm sure Ianto thinks about that a lot, then drags Jack into the shower to enjoy the experience all over again. Enjoy ;)
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Date: 2012-09-03 09:39 am (UTC)(This nearly came out as a very weird comment as I typed Jack instead of Glad o_O Don't know what I was thinking about...)
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Date: 2012-09-03 09:42 am (UTC)Ah well, excessive fluff is about all I can write - I leave the angst to others who are more capable, lol!
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Date: 2012-09-03 09:48 am (UTC)You're the first person here to say they like spiders! I respect them and would never deliberately harm them, and I'm fine with small ones - we have several small and cute species - but the big house spiders.... *shudders* They have long legs and run really fast and it's not unheard of me to run screaming, chasing them and trying to catch them, lol! Like Ianto I try to catch them and put them outside.
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Date: 2012-09-03 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 02:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-06 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-06 09:26 am (UTC)Myfanwy enjoys helping, she's just not going to tell Ianto. Better that he should think she's doing him a favour.
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Date: 2012-09-06 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-06 10:40 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it.
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Date: 2013-10-14 08:30 pm (UTC)This is just fantastic - pteranodon-flying, Ianto being the hero, Myfanwy basically channelling Ianto...
Perfect :D
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Date: 2013-10-14 08:44 pm (UTC)Must admit, when it comes to spiders I'd react like Jack! Ianto is so much braver!